For a few months now I have been living with my parents. Every now and again I feel ashamed. I am a 34-year-old woman with a university degree. I speak three languages. I have many talents and a wide portfolio of know-how, lots of work experience, yet…
I ask myself every now and again if I have failed. Failed for what?! There is this voice inside my head that comes up when I start comparing myself to others, when I look at the mainstream world around there. In that regard, it’s probably a big YES! Yes, I have failed according to the standards of society. I cannot sustain myself economically, which is not because I want to live in such an elaborate manner or because I am a lazy ass – I simply have chosen to LIVE. I regard work as part of my life, of my personality. Since we invest so much time in it, I want to enjoy it. To me the concept of working your ass of in working a 9-5 for doing something that actually makes absolutely no sense at all when you put it in a broader context of our world’s situation. Where you need to take a vacation in order to release some of that stress. This is a concept I regard as simply stupid. Yet, it’s human standard.
I my therapeutic work and spiritual practice I KNOW that it’s about following my own path, living my potential and purpose, creating something unique. In every-day-life, however, I sometimes cannot help but feel ashamed when people ask about what I am doing, where I live at the moment etc. And then I feel stupid for feeling ashamed.
I am simply incredibly fortunate! I have a family that believes in just those values: family. My parents don’t go around giving lectures or writing books about it. They don’t get applauded by audiences for being bold and remembering something our society has forgotten, being so accustomed to our individualistic ideals. They are no spiritual or psychological or scientific big-heads who talk about where as a society we should go, outlining their super important theories and methods. They just live it!
Up until recently I didn’t see it. I was very ignorant and criticized my parents for some of the choices they have made. I behaved like a spoiled princess. I know I have hurt them. I hurt them, because I wanted to break free and in a way blamed them for the failures of our society. I am glad I got to understand the value and importance of that while both of my parents are still around, mostly healthy, happy and enjoying their lifes together. And that I get to stay THANK YOU now every day, which is a lot easier, since I live with them!
Am I a failure? In regard to family values I might just be another quiet success story. And in the end, it doesn’t matter, because „failure“ and „success“ are just two more concepts and ideas.